The Way Through It

Therapy Through Writing. Together, let's find a way through it.

Category Archives: Self-flagellation

Chicken and the Egg

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Do you ever jolt out of self-flagellation, and suddenly realize you’re being horribly mean to yourself? It happens to me often. Although sometimes it takes months for me to wake up and realize I’m in an abusive relationship with myself. These past months (since the Spring) I’ve felt incapable of getting off the couch. Of course, living in the wilds and with wonderful weather upon us, I usually wish I was outside, or at least willing to be.

Anxiety, depression, loneliness and insomnia currently rule the day (and night as it seems). All of this becomes a horribly paralyzing vicious cycle. I don’t feel like moving; so I beat myself up for being lazy; then I am depressed from the negative self-talk (unconsciously); so I no longer feel like moving; and then more negative lady bashing… and on it goes. Until I step out of the circle, I don’t realize it’s happening. I just feel bad, can’t really figure out why, so I eat and I don’t sleep.

The Solution

Something tells me I’m not the only person out there who experiences this from time to time. Usually, the way I dig myself out is to embark on a self-help journey. There are usually a lot of books, podcasts and YouTube videos involved. Somehow having an answer to my never ending quest to feel “better” ends up being a quest to be better. There is no right answer or a magic step that will fix me. The only fixing I need is to figure out how to be nicer to myself and perhaps slow down my mind and breathe.

Usually the answer is literally, just breathe.

I share this inner turmoil for one sole purpose: to help you, the reader feel less alone in whatever your struggles are too. This blog is an effort to create a circle of healing: I find healing through writing, perhaps you find healing in relating, and perhaps we can all share our stories together down in the comments. I’d love to build a community around writing, and sharing really. It’s all there is to it sometimes to find…a way through it.

The Plan

In the coming months I vow to post monthly at minimum. I’ve been blogging for over a decade and writing since I was a child. This is my new and improved site that I hope reaches folks who need to read something like this. Because I live in a remote area now, I find that social media platforms have been my saving grace in times of need. Let’s spread the love if you find this kind of thing moving and I promise to keep writing! Deal? Deal.

As I was writing this, I found myself jolted awake. I didn’t really have a topic in mind so sometimes I just start writing and see what happens. Suddenly I saw what’s been going on these past months. Boom. That is the power of writing for me. Getting my thoughts out of my head is often a great way to change my thought process. Someone once told me, if you’re going through a rough patch; find a way to change your head space. Usually, exercise is the easiest move as it actually changes your brain chemicals and releases serotonin, endorphins, and all those delightful free drugs our bodies make.

Cardio only makes me want to commit murder so writing for me is the ticket. Being out in nature helps a lot too. I enjoy hiking, swimming in lakes and generally being outdoors helps every day (I live in the woods). There can be a numbing effect though to surroundings alone. I am in a terribly beautiful place and yet still vehemently determined to start hundreds of crochet projects I’ll never finish. It’s just my way of trying to escape my current destructive thought cycle. As I’ve discovered a lot since moving here; the only way out, is in.

I’d love to hear your thoughts below! How do you get out of a negative head space?

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